Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
