Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize