I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
