false alarm. still invincible.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
