so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I checked into jail on foursquare
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Vodka?
Forever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
