Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Houston, we have a squirter
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
