Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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