You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
