So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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