I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My life is pants optional.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
