I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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