Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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