textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize