oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
