ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
