Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
