So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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