Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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