Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
