my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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