Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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