Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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