I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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