he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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