she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
