I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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