It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
