I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
