Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
