I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
