I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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