Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
