no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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