He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
