you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
