i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
