Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
