thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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