I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
