Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
