3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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