just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
