i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
