Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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