soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I believe in your delicious
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
