I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
