Screwed.edu
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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