im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
be right there i have to get my cape
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
