Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
