Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
