thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
