Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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