508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
40s are totally the cure
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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