OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
