Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize