its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
