In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
