hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
